roughrimjob:

I burned like 3/4 of my forearm on the oven while I was making chicken and my mom was like “honey put some butter on it it draws the heat out” so she was rubbing a stick of butter on my arm and my stepdad was like “what’s for dinner” as he walked in and saw her slathering my arm in butter and he just slowly backed away

(Source: organmeat, via scarstheywillnotfadeaway)

223,601 notes

folieaboo:

pro tip: don’t name your fish after band members because one time my dad called me to tell me gerard died and i started crying

(Source: folieadude, via gustavtomasbruce)

166,833 notes